My Conversion Story

This isn't a short story so, go to the kitchen, prepare yourself some popcorn and enjoy this long read. You will be here for a while.  Feel free to pause and come back or just take it all in at once. I’d like for you to open up your Bible as I show you what I have learned. Have an open mind and don’t come in with a set idea or a judgmental attitude. Be teachable. Be coachable. Now, let’s start. How did my journey begin?

 

With despair. I was questioning so many things. Why are there so many contradictory beliefs within the body of Christ? Why is the Church so divided and not united? I kept begging God to help me. Lead me. Call me. What do I do? Where do I go? These were my constant prayers for years as I slowly departed from God. Doubt creeped in and led me to not trust churches anywhere. There was so much division between each other that I couldn’t find the one that had the full truth. How do we know which one is the one true church? As I prayed both audibly and in my heart, my mental health took a horrible turn for the worse. I was suicidal and constantly lived in despair. I almost took my own life. There had to be a way to God and there had to be ONE true Church. One TRUTH! However, the road I was being led to was not the one I wanted.

 

I was born into Catholicism. I was baptized as a baby, received my first communion at 12 years old and confirmed at around age 16. I was a part of the Choir (don’t ask me how because everyone knows I can’t sing in tune with anything! haha), I taught Catechism (Bible class) to children and I played many roles in our Church Play “The Passion of Christ” every year. Yet, at 18 years old, I walked out and left that all behind. I didn’t look back. I automatically rejected all Catholic beliefs and traditions and one thing I was sure about, I was sure I wasn’t going back. 

 

I had an evangelical boyfriend who wanted me to receive Jesus in my heart or we’d be unequally yoked (which I didn’t even know what it meant at the time) and I also have a few evangelical family members. Since I was a child, they would take me to their church and I would be an active participant of all children services. I won’t lie; I loved it! This happened regularly during my young life. One beautiful Sunday in May, I was already 18 years old at the time, I visited my aunt’s church for a women's conference. When the pastor asked at the end of his preaching if anyone would like to receive Jesus in their heart and accept him as their Lord and Savior, I lifted my hand and walked up to the altar. It is what I wanted. I thought I found the answer I was looking for.

 

For the next 20 years, I went from that evangelical church to a pentecostal, then-born-again non-denominational and even started studying with Jehovah’s Witnesses out of curiosity (which didn’t last long for obvious reasons). In the end, I almost turned towards atheism. I couldn’t get to atheism because I KNEW God is real. That is something I couldn't deny. I was always searching. I always felt I had a void. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a BIBLE believing Christian. I love the Word. I live for it and it is what has kept me throughout the years. Being protestant brought so many blessings, healing and it taught me to love God’s Word. Something I never did when I was Catholic. I love researching & studying all things Bible. So, I prayed. I kept praying. I kept looking for answers for things I couldn’t understand and every single pastor or teacher would tell me different responses for the SAME text. No one ever answered me with any assurance. All it did was give me more doubt. What’s up with the division and individual interpretation? I was sure that was not how Scripture was intended to be read and understood. That’s when I realized that Jesus never wanted many denominations but wanted ONE UNITED CHURCH! 1 Peter 3:8, Romans 15:6, Ephesians 4:3, Philippians 2:2, Romans 12:4-5, 2 Corinthians 13:11, Colossians 3:14, Romans 14:19, Romans 15:5 but most importantly,1 Corinthians 1:10 which says:

 

'I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.' 

 

and Acts 4:32 says,

 

'The community of believers was of one heart and mind... but they had everything in common.' 

 

At that point and fast forward 20 long years later, I started researching the amount of CHRISTIAN denominations around the world today and was flabbergasted at the number. This was not a united church. Divisions were everywhere. All these splits started after the 15th Century. Within Christianity alone, the count is over 20,000 denominations. 20,000 CHRISTIAN denominations!!! All started after 1517 with Martin Luther and his “reformation”. So that got me thinking. What was the Church before such reformation? Which Church did Jesus actually institute in Matthew 16?

 

I didn’t like the answer I was getting when I started my research. As the answer kept coming up, I would start a different search just to avoid going in that direction. It was difficult to even think of walking the path I was being led to. My protestant friends and family would be so disappointed. I couldn’t take the judgement or be questioned. God would be heartbroken if I reverted back to a ‘pagan idol worshipping’ religion such as the Catholic Church. That is all I could think about. That is what I believed the Catholic Church was. I just couldn’t do it. I refused and moved on.

 

April 2019... 

 

I went to visit one of my dearest cousins, Ricardo, his wife Maggie and their kids. We were having a conversation about what had happened with me for so many years as I had become distant with my family. What had happened with my health and my ex husbands. I had been married and divorced three times. It's a shame I had to live with. This was something I never wanted for my life as marriage was always sacred to me. The guilt was great as I was the one that walked out of each marriage without looking back. As I spoke to my cousin, I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I told him how all three of my ex husbands played a role in my mental health as they were all mentally/psychologically abusive towards me. I got married all three times because I was influenced by pastors and church leaders to do so as I was living a life of sin. This is my first time publicly writing about this as it is a part of my life and conversion.

 

Please keep in mind that I am not justifying myself to make anyone else look bad. I had great times in these relationships at some point, usually in the beginning and this is my personal experience. What I am about to write, I was made aware of during my therapy sessions. I am not an easy person to handle due to underlying mental health issues and past traumas. I am moody, I was very immature and angry. I made mistakes and decisions which still affect me until this day. This is something that is not easy for me to speak of however, I feel like I should. These relationships were a huge part of my journey and I feel the need to speak up about them to show my growth and the woman I am today.

 

May 1999… I started dating my first husband at the age of 17. He was 19. Almost a year into our relationship, I got pregnant. The thing is, I wasn't his only girlfriend. He lied to me throughout the relationship and told me his girlfriend and him had broken up when we got together and I had no reason to doubt him. I was naive enough to believe him because I loved him. When I got pregnant, he officially dumped her. I found out in error because he confessed without wanting to and that broke me. If I wasn’t pregnant, would he have ever left her? That should've been my first red flag. However, this was the first of many things he did that broke me and made me into the angry and insecure woman I never wanted to be. Once my daughter was born, he isolated me from my mother and entire family because he didn’t like them. He used to complain to me about how our daughter shouldn’t be around them. See, his rationale was that they weren’t Christian (Evangelical) or a good influence on her. They used profanity too much, yelled and argued too much. So, he kept me from them and I was only allowed to see his family. I’d see my family once every few months and couldn’t celebrate holidays with them unless I forced him to take me. He started coming home late most days after work. I knew he had cheated on me, which I won’t get into details because of the embarrassing story behind it, but this all happened just a year into our marriage. On my 21st birthday, I found out he had cheated on me just a little over 2 weeks before then. One time he didn't show up to our house until almost 1:00 a.m. I couldn't stop crying in my mother’s arms thinking something happened to him. I called him and got no response. No call back and no response to my texts. Nothing. He came home as if nothing happened with a smirk in his face as if I overreacted. I didn't question him. I let it go. A couple of years later, he decided to have lunch with a female coworker. On that lunch date, he admitted to me that they kissed and even told me she was cute and liked her but wouldn't do anything with her because he didn’t want to cheat on me. When we separated in 2008, he confessed to me that on our visit to Puerto Rico in 2007, he was with a woman who’s a close family friend and considered part of his family in Puerto Rico (this woman was almost 10 years older and she's the one who took his virginity at a very young age). We separated 4 times during our marriage and during those separations I started seeing someone. Didn't last long but when we decided to give us a try one more time, I ended that and gave him my all. Every time he would promise me he would change and treat me better, I would come back to him but he never changed. It came to a point where he would even control what I'd wear, couldn't do my makeup or cut/color my hair. He just wouldn’t let me buy anything he didn’t approve of. My entire salary would go to our joint account and I couldn’t withdraw any money without his permission. It came to a point where if I needed lunch money for the week, I’d have to ask him and he would give me $10-$20 to last me a week to two weeks or he would get upset if I spent it too fast. I worked in Manhattan where a salad is $8 and a value meal was $7. I had lots of hungry days at work and many times, a co-worker who had become a close friend from church would offer to buy me lunch. She also gave me her back and said I was too overbearing. I was alone. He was cruel and no one ever knew this. During our separations, I dated someone on and off. I knew it was wrong and I should've waited until I was divorced but I wasn’t thinking straight. To me, it wasn’t cheating. Now, looking back, I know better and if I could go back in time, I'd change just that. Although he hurt me a lot throughout the years, I know I hurt him too. I came to find out that he told his whole family that he left me because of my constant cheating. If only they knew, I was the one being cheated. Only thing I can say is, two wrongs never make a right. I wanted therapy for us and he wouldn’t want it. He wouldn’t want an outsider to be “all in our business”. So I left. For my wrongdoings, I am sorry. I cannot speak for him. 

 

February 2009… I started dating a high school ex-boyfriend. He became my second husband and he was so angry all the time. We had dated for a short time in High School and when my ex husband and I separated, I hooked up with him. He was a rebound and I forced myself into that relationship. I wish I could say why I did, but I can't. I wasn't in the right state of mind. Once I moved in with him in 2009, I noticed some patterns. He was addicted to pornography. We married in 2011 and that's when he started with his anger. Taking his anger out on me and my daughter, always screaming, cursing at my daughter and I. I’d ask him to not speak to my daughter as he did and he’d just tell me I’m too soft with her and to stay out of it. Of course I didn't as she is my child and not his. This was something we argued about a lot.  He was so controlling, that my daughter had to ask for permission to get water from the fridge. She couldn't leave a cup or a bottle anywhere or he would flip the anger switch immediately. It was terrifying. No matter how much I tried to protect her, I couldn't if I stayed with him. This all started after we got married. He was different before that. He was pretty great before then. So different and so loving.  He also would be the same as my first husband with money. He would take out in my face when he would buy me a gift or tell me how much he spent. He would make me feel guilty for taking $5 from him to eat because he’d make sure I know he would stay hungry if I accepted it. He had nudes from a co-worker in his emails, he’d search and looked at pornography excessively, even with me sleeping in bed next to him. Yes, I saw him watch and act on it while I  pretended to sleep. He’d treat me with contempt all day every day and only was nice to be at bedtime; for sex. When I rejected him, he’d go straight to porn. His mother and sister always called me antisocial (I’m an introvert) and didn’t like me much. They’d speak ill of me behind my back and he’d tell me without defending me. I begged for therapy and again he said he wasn't going to speak of our problems with a stranger. I tried to make it work. He didn't want to. One day in June 2013, he kicked me out of the apartment after an argument. He said that because it was his mother’s house he wasn’t going anywhere so I had to leave. So, I booked a flight to Florida, found an apartment and moved a month later. He tried getting me back but by then, it was too late.

 

December 2013… If I am honest, my third relationship has been my biggest regret of all. I married a guy 12 years younger. Why? I can’t say. I literally can’t fathom why I made such a decision. He was a sweet guy as a friend but as a boyfriend, he was far from it. He would make me feel like I didn’t exist and was always looking for ways to ignore me. When we would go out, he would constantly stare at young women and flirt with a look as I stood there with him. I was an idiot for even staying in that relationship. Just talking about it triggers me. He was 21 when we got married and needless to say, he never matured as a man. Apparently I never let him as he would say. He didn’t want to work, he would spend my hard earned money on computer games and collectibles, wouldn’t pay a bill unless he sold one of his games or PC parts if we were about to be evicted, would stay all day on his phone and his video games and wouldn't even let me sleep when I worked 10-12 hours daily in retail. We got evicted, lost a car and he didn’t blink for a second and try to help me in any way. While I was the only working adult, and while he was home all day, he wouldn’t lift a finger. I would come home and take out the garbage, cook and do laundry and even had to carry a refrigerator inside my home with my then 15 year old daughter all because he was always “sick”. I was done with the relationship shortly after marrying. He would put me down about my weight and body. Would tell me that sex was gross and wouldn’t touch me or kiss me and even told a mutual friend how grotesque I was and that he wished he'd been with a fit sexy girl. He would constantly wish he had met me when I was young and fit. He didn't touch me in the whole time we were married but would run to pornography to satisfy his needs. Towards the end of our relationship, I told him to go back to Florida with his mom and he refused. He had me as a prisoner and wouldn't let me leave the house. I reunited with an old friend and decided enough was enough. So, I started hanging out with my friend and my daughter often while he stood in bed or played his games. Of course he didn’t like it so he left one August day and we were divorced 4 months later. My friend and I rekindled our love and have been together ever since.

 

My mental health declined drastically after my last divorce. I was broken, felt unworthy and felt as if I failed God when I broke my vous. Little did I know that all throughout my life, I battled with mental illness and I never treated it. When I was diagnosed, I knew I needed God but I didn't know how to approach him. The guilt was killing me on the inside. I never felt so alone until now.

 

I mentioned some of this to Ricardo. It was liberating. Luis, my current boyfriend of almost 4 years, had mentioned that he wants to marry me. I mentioned this to my cousin. Not only does he want to marry me, but he wants to do so in the Catholic Church after going to my cousin Zoraida’s wedding. I told Ricardo that when my mom heard him, she mentioned to him that if we were to get married in the Catholic Church, it had to be forever because in the Catholic Church, there is no divorce. Ricardo said to that, “you’re Catholic. You have and will always be Catholic. Once a Catholic, always one whether you stay or leave.” I was stunned at the statement and in my mind I kept saying, WHAT?! No way! But that struck me and I didn’t understand what happened inside of me at that moment. 

 

I realized that during my cousin’s wedding earlier that month, something stirred inside me. I couldn’t explain what. I was in love with the ceremony, music and everything involved in that Mass. Everything. I was changing. My boyfriend mentioned again that he wanted to get married just like they did and at that moment, so did I. I told him, however, that we couldn't because we weren’t believers. I wouldn’t be a hypocrite and do so just for show. I had to believe. My mom mentioned the same statement and again, it stirred something inside of me. She again said, “remember when you get married in the Catholic Church, there is no divorce. It's until death. It is a very serious sacrament.” To this, my atheist boyfriend replied, “Then I want that!” I was in shock and went to the bathroom and cried. I didn't think I'd ever want to get married again. I resented marriage and I started to believe it wasn't for me. I felt as if I would always fail. But I always wanted someone to want that with me. Forever. Even as I am. I never felt worthy because of my failed marriages and still, he made me feel worth marrying. To this day, almost 4 years later, he still makes me feel this way.

 

With all this confusion in my head, I decided to start my research in order to disprove and refute all Catholic teachings. I was going to prove to myself and my family that the Catholic Church was false, anti Christian and worse of all, pagan in origin and full of idolaters. What I came to learn was far from what I had believed and taught throughout my protestant years.

 

First thing I decided to do was google search “Who Founded the Catholic Church?” I was shocked and in disbelief when the answer everywhere was JESUS. Straight up Jesus. At that point my curiosity ate at me and I wanted to see who founded different denominations worldwide because I was told over and over again that Jesus did not found the Catholic Church and that Constantine did. I then found a graph of denominations and their founders.

 

 All other Christian denominations started after 1517 when Martin Luther left the church to start a so-called ‘reformation’.

 

Reformation means: the action or process of reforming an institution or practice

 

Instead of a reformation of the church, Luther left the church and split into one of his own which led to the start of many additional splits. All because of one man. So my question became, what happened before 1517? What did Christians believe for over 1,500 years? I had to search deeper and I refused to use Catholic sources in the process to find my answer.

 

That’s when I came across early Christian writers called The Church Fathers. All of the writings of these writers in the FIRST, SECOND and even THIRD CENTURIES A.D., stated that Jesus gave the keys of the Kingdom to Peter. This started to sound too Catholic to me, however, these writings were History and I couldn't fight the fact that this is what the early church practiced. So, I kept reading.

 

Jesus as the owner of the keys was able to hand them over to Peter, to lead His Church on earth once he ascended. In Isaiah 22:20-23 we learn that in ancient Judaism, keys symbolize authority. So bestowing the key to the House of David upon Eliakim as second to only the King, is equivalent to giving him, as the king’s duly appointed representative, authority over the kingdom. Peter identifies Jesus as the Messiah, which means, among other things, acknowledging his kingship. Christ then shows his kingly authority by bestowing on Peter something only the king could give–the keys of the kingdom of heaven. And that it is the Church alone, “the pillar and ground of truth”, 1 Timothy 3:15, imbued with and directed by the Holy Spirit, that guarantees to her children through her infallible teaching the full and unadulterated revelation of God. Whether by mouth or by letter. 2 Thessalonians 2:15.

 

Matthew 16:17-19 'And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are YOU, Simon Bar-Jona! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. 18 And I tell YOU, YOU are Peter [peep the change of his name. Means "rock" in Aramaic. The apostle Simon was called Cephas by Jesus because he was to be the rock upon which the Christian church was to be built. In most versions of the New Testament Cephas is translated into Greek Πετρος (Petros) (in English Peter).], and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it. I will give YOU the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever YOU bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever YOU loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

 

Can this get anymore obvious? I then came across a quote that was written around 110 A.D. by one of the students of the Apostle John. Now, let's keep in mind that this was written just 77 years after Jesus ascended into heaven. This was during Jesus' time. He said, 

 

“Wherever the bishop appears, there let the people be, even as wheresoever Christ Jesus is, there is the catholic church.” Ignatius of Antioch in his letter to the Smyrnaeans.

 

Ignatius was the third bishop of Antioch and tradition (history) records show that he was a disciple of the apostle John. Again, this is HISTORY not fiction. If you notice, he isn't explaining what Catholic means in that quote. Which states that he knew that whoever read the letter, would understand the Church of Christ at that time was already the Catholic Church. 

 

Catholic comes from the Greek word Katholikos, which was later Latinized into Catholicus. It means 'Universal', which in itself means, 'of or relating to, or affecting the entire world and ALL peoples therein'. It means, ALL encompassing, comprehensively broad, general, and containing ALL that is necessary. In summation, it means ALL people in ALL places, having ALL that is necessary, and for ALL time. In the text it is written “ekklesia kath holos'' in Acts 9:31 which is translated “the Church throughout all. The prepositional phrase “throughout all” (kath oles) appears in Luke 4:14; Luke 23:5; Acts 9:31; Acts 9:42; Acts 10:37. It was after Ignatius that the term Catholic Church became used more and more to designate the true church. Undoubtedly the word was in use before the time of this writing. St. Ignatius was the 3rd bishop of Antioch and trained under John The Apostle, thought to be ordained by Peter.

 

Written records of the term "CATHOLIC" describing a character or divine attribute of the Christian Church:

 

Martyrdom of Polycarp (disciple of John the Apostle) 155 AD;

Clement of Alexandria, Stromateis 202 AD;

Cyprian, Unity of the Catholic Church 251 AD;

Cyprian, Letter to Florentius, 254 AD

 

When I was evangelical, I was told that the Catholic Church was founded by Constantine in 325 A.D. If the Catholic Church was created/started by the Emperor Constantine in the year 325 A.D., then how come this statement was said IN WRITING, 200 years earlier? How was it that there were already around 30 Popes before Constantine's time? That is because Constantine did not start the Catholic Church. What he did was legalize Christianity to stop the persecution of Christians and allow them to spread the good news; the Gospel.

I decided to buy a few books with writings of the early church. One book in particular, The Complete Works of the Church Fathers. I couldn’t believe there were hundreds of books and writings from disciples and bishops who followed the apostles teachings and would pass it down through an apostolic succession. The fact that there is physical, written evidence and history that leads us straight to Jesus when he founded his Church, was astonishing to me. We tend to focus on just the Bible when we forget things didn’t just end there. Christianity grew and spread and men kept writing about this even after the Bible was compiled. These early writings were written to refute Heresies that would try to preach a different Gospel to newer Christians. I was dumbfounded! This was a pivotal point in my journey back to the Church. I was finally getting answers. 

 

However, the internal battle wasn’t over yet…

 

One of my biggest hurdles as a Christian was, why do Catholics pray and worship Mary and Saints? One thing I have learned is that in order to understand the Bible, we must read it within context. This means linking ancient jewish traditions with early christian ones. One simple answer is that the word “Pray” is an Old English word that means simply “to ask.” In Protestant theology, the word has become synonymous with worship, but that is not the original use of the term. Any time a Catholic utters a petition to a saint, it is taken for granted that it is a request for that saint to pray to God for them. For example, the “Hail Mary” contains the request, “pray for us sinners.” If you ask a person to pray for you, it proves that you do not think that he is God. What needs to be stressed here is that none of our prayers terminate in the saints, as if they had the power in and of themselves to answer prayers. The Catholic Church always has taught that a Christian can worship only God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit. No creature, no matter how good or beautiful–no angel, no saint, not even the Virgin Mary–deserves adoration. The Catholic Church has always believed that Jesus Christ is the one mediator between God and man. It is the death and resurrection of Jesus alone by which people are saved. The Catholic Church condemns polytheism and idolatry alike.

 

First, God expects us to pray for each other. We see this in both the Old and New Testaments. The rationale is that they're still members of the Body of Christ. Remember, the life which Christ gives is eternal life; therefore, every Christian who has died in Christ is forever a member of the Body of Christ. This is what we call as the Communion of the Saints. Everyone in Christ, whether living or dead, belongs to the Body of Christ. From this it follows that a saint in heaven may intercede for people because he still is a member of the Body of Christ. Thanks to this membership in Christ, under his headship, the intercession of the saints can't be a rival to Christ’s mediation; it's one with the mediation of Christ, to whom and in whom the saints form one body. Just as we are encouraged to intercede for every other here on earth.

 

Some Christians, mostly Protestants, deny that the Bible gives support for devotion to the saints, but they are incorrect. The Bible encourages Christians to approach the saints in heaven, just as they approach God the Father and Jesus Christ the Lord:

 

“But you have approached Mount Zion, the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and myriads of angels, and the assembly and church of the firstborn who have been enrolled in heaven, and God the judge of all, and spirits of righteous ones who have been made perfect, and Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and the sprinkled blood which speaks better than that of Abel” Hebrews 12:22-24

 

This is a beautiful image of how the intercession of the saints works. Because the saints are so close to the fire of God’s love and because they stand immediately before him, they can set our prayers on fire with their love and release the power of our prayers. 

 

 

Most protestant christians and Catholics believe that when we die in grace and live a life of repentance, we can go straight to heaven and be with our Lord and Savior. Well, Catholics believe that these people that are near and with God, can pray WITH us and FOR us. We pray directly to God and ask the Saints in heaven to join us. Just like I have asked my family and friends to pray for me and they ask me to pray for them, that is how this works. The only difference is, they can bring that petition directly to God for us IN PERSON. That is all.

 

Every single time you see pagans in the Old Testament worshipping idols, it involves a SACRIFICIAL CEREMONY. Although worship may involve some sort of praise, it is something that always comes back to terminology and language. In Catholicism, the definition and etymology is exclusive to the English word “worship.” The Church of England currently has “we worship you” in the ‘Gloria’, the English Speaking Catholic Churches have “we adore you.” It can be helpful to consider the Latin words “dulia” and “latria” which can both be translated as “worship”. “Latria” is reserved only for God. Praise and prayer does not equal worship. We actually use it very frequently in our lives when we speak to people we admire. Worship being a form of adoration, is a relatively new definition created by protestants. This is NOT what the ancient jews and christians believed. 

 

My biggest breakthrough?

 

The EUCHARIST!

 

As I mentioned earlier, worship in ancient times always involved a sacrifice. This is it. Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the cross is manifested in the form of bread and wine. Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist; known to other Christians as Holy Communion. The Eucharistic elements actually become the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ. This is by far the main reason why I came back and will never leave the Catholic Church ever again. I still am amazed by this. It still blows my mind. Before I continue, I would like to clear one misconception that many have about that sacrifice we have in Mass. Protestants often criticize Catholics because apparently Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was not sufficient for us and therefore we re-sacrifice him over and over again.

 

It is impossible to re-sacrifice Jesus. His sacrifice is eternal and it exists outside space and time. The sacrifice is constantly celebrated with the Angels and Saints in Heaven, and when we partake of the Holy Eucharist during Mass we are joining into the celebration that is ever ongoing in Heaven. Every time we celebrate Mass, and especially during Liturgy of the Eucharist (when bread and wine become Christ’s body and blood), we are re-enacting and participating in those events. It doesn’t mean that Jesus is sacrificed again and again at every Mass. But we are carrying on a rich tradition that started with our Jewish brethren. Unlike our traditional definition of re-enactment, the old Jewish custom allowed believers to remember those significant moments of their past (ie: Passover). This allows them to reflect upon the historical significance and how they themselves fit into the history of the events. Thus, in Mass, what happened 2,000 years ago is being remembered, reflected upon, and brought into our present moment. We participate in it and are thus connected with everyone who has celebrated the Mass. Both here on Earth and in Heaven. In Eucharist, that’s where Heaven and Earth meet! Jesus was sacrificed once for all upon Calvary.  His one sacrifice is made present and effective for us at every Mass so that we, through the ministry of the priest acting In Persona Christi, can offer the one Sacrifice to the Father as perfect worship in expiation for our sins. Not a re-sacrifice but more of a re-presenting of the sacrifice. 

 

Many believe that Jesus’ words on eating his flesh was symbolic. But was it? The Catholic Church has consistently taught the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist from its very beginning. The idea that Communion is a mere symbol of Christ’s death or a simple memorial meal is a 16th century theological innovation that was initially rejected even by the original Protestant reformers. But guess what? Even Martin Luther himself believed this and didn't change its significance during his reformation.

 

Just think of how clear the Church’s understanding of the Eucharist as Jesus’ body and blood that Christians was. They were accused of being cannibals for defending its consumption. This gave me a good laugh when I first heard it. Towards the end of the 1st century, the Church celebrated every Sunday some sort of a “mini-Easter” and the consecration of the host (bread) was understood as accomplished by Bishops alone. Wherever the Eucharist was, there was the Bishop, and so wherever the Bishop was, the Church was. As the Church kept growing, this became impossible, so, by the middle of the 3rd century, this duty was being delegated to presbyters (priests). This is seen in the writings of Clement of Rome which is the third successor of Peter in Rome. He wrote at the same time John the apostle was finishing the New Testament.

 

Ignatius Of Antioch, the 3rd bishop of Antioch after Peter, had this to say regarding the Eucharist around 107 A.D.: 

 

Consider how contrary to the mind of God are the heterodox in regard to the grace of God which has come to us. . . . They abstain from the Eucharist and from prayer, because they do not admit that the Eucharist is the flesh of our Savior Jesus Christ, the flesh which suffered for our sins and which the Father, in His graciousness, raised from the dead.” Letter to the Smyrnaeans, 6

 

In the 2nd and 3rd centuries, eucharistic doctrine was upheld in the writings of early christians  like Justin Martyr:

 

“We do not receive these things as common bread or common drink; but as Jesus Christ our Savior” First Apology, 66

 

Irenaeus Bishop of Lyons, who is a Father of the Church said:

 

“The Word of God becomes the Eucharist, which is the body and blood of Christ” Against Heresies, 5.2 

 

These teachings kept growing as the Church expanded in later centuries.

 

I know. I know. You want Biblical evidence. So, here it goes for all my Sola Scriptura protestants. Keep in mind that ‘Bible Alone’ in itself isn’t in the Bible as there was no Bible in those times. Jesus left us a Church not a Bible. We have written Scriptures and Traditions passed down to us by word of mouth. This was traditional among Ancient Judaism and Early Christianism.

 

2 Thessalonians 2:15. Peter warns that:

 

“no prophecy of scripture is a matter of one’s own interpretation”

 

2 Peter 1:21 and says of Paul’s writings that:

 

“there are some things in them hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other scriptures”

 

2 Peter 3:16 says,

 

"He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction."

 

This is why so over 20,000 denominations have emerged since Luther’s reformation; because of man’s own interpretation. Everyone thinks they have the truth. All because of individual interpretation. Think about that.

 

However, I will provide for you scriptures to ease your concerns. When Jesus spoke in parables, he’d be clear in doing so. When he spoke literally, he always used the words “truly, truly I say to you…” Here are some examples for you.

 

John 6:47 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes has eternal life.”

John 5:24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.”

John 12:24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”

John 16:20 "Truly, truly, I say to you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will grieve, but your grief will be turned into joy.”

John 14:12 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.”

John 1:51 And He said to him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see the heavens opened and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man."

John 3:3 Jesus answered and said to him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God."

John 5:19 Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner.

John 6:26 Jesus answered them and said, "Truly, truly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled.”

John 6:32 Jesus then said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, it is not Moses who has given you the bread out of heaven, but it is My Father who gives you the true bread out of heaven.”

John 8:34 Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin.”

John 8:51 "Truly, truly, I say to you, if anyone keeps My word he will never see death."

John 8:58 Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was born, I am."

John 10:1 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter by the door into the fold of the sheep, but climbs up some other way, he is a thief and a robber.”

John 10:7 So Jesus said to them again, "Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep.”

John 13:16 "Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him.’

John 13:20 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who receives whomever I send receives Me; and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me."

John 16:23 "In that day you will not question Me about anything Truly, truly, I say to you, if you ask the Father for anything in My name, He will give it to you.”

 

So with that in mind…

 

John 6:53 So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in yourselves.”

 

If what Jesus was saying here was symbolic then why did so many of his followers leave him when he taught them this teaching? Why didn't he clarify this but instead kept with the hard teaching? All listening, KNEW! Let's take a look at the above chapter (6) starting from verse 47 and on:

 

'Very truly I tell you, the one who believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, yet they died. But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which anyone may eat and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.” Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum. On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. [not speaking about his own flesh but human flesh] The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.” From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.'

 

Now let's read what happens in The Last Supper:

Matthew 26:26-30 "While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.” Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will not drink from this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”

 

It was then clear to me. The one church that teaches and follows this teaching by Jesus, is none other than the Catholic Church. I had no doubt. Where else could I go, that would feed me the Bread of Life? I want to be where He was and is. The Church he left in Peter’s hands to lead His people on earth. My stubbornness and pride were shattered. I couldn't fight with the truth.

 

I am still learning. Still studying. Still praying. But one thing I know is, God has led me to His Church. I trust it because of his words in Matthew 16:18-19,

 

"And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

 

If Jesus built His church, and since the beginning it's been called Catholic then that settles it. I believe it. Read the evidence. Study it and see for yourself. Early Christian writings were CATHOLIC and the beliefs have not changed one bit since. That’s the power of the one true Church of Christ. It is consistent in its teachings.

 

There's nowhere else I’d rather be. So my difficult journey has been the best one yet. I am in love with the Holy Trinity, with Mary, Saints and my amazing Holy Apostolic Catholic Church.

 

Glendaliz Gonzalez

Cradle Catholic since July 3, 1983

Revert since July 12, 2019